The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
