I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
