The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
