You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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