Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
