Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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