worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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