We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
