All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
