She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
