I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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