I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
