We're facebook friends in real life
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
