Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
