Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
