thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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