you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
