apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
