This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
