I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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