im holly from the hills drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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