If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
