Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
