I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Terrible idea I love it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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