moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
