dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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