if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
