you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
