The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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