Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
