I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
