I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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