Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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