i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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