The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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