I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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