His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
