You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
