I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
