i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
