I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
