I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
