just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
