And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
