1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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