WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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