brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
please come you make the beer taste better
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
