Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
