Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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