why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
