first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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