Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
