I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he thought i was a dude.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
