Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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